It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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