That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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