Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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