Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
