I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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