sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
