we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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