He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
