i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
