i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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