I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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