There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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