Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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