Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
