You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
