Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
