This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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