I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
