Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
