Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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