I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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