We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
