So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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