I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
