anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
