Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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