I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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