he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
