Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
ok first of all what the fuck
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
