Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
