I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize