I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
