apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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