Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize