i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Randomize
