Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize