he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
