Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
