Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
