so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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