I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
