Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
