how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
