Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
