I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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