All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
