i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
