New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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