you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
