Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
