He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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