I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
