I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
