i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
