when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
