good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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