take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
PANTIES FOUND
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
