he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
