he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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