two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
