why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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