Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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